I have improperly and wrongfully been employing the Straight (Lazy) Lacing style on my dress shoes. Why was I not using the far superior Straight (Fancy) Lacing style? Well, I simply did not know what was out there. The Fancy style, pioneered by noblemen in the late 19th century, is now well known to lessen stress on the ankle and upper portion of the foot in comparison to the Lazy style. No longer shall I have to face shifting end lengths and unsightly appearance! And indeed, businessmen look enviously on those with the power to complete the difficult but sharp-looking Fancy Lacing. Educate Yourself.

To the person who took my toothbrush and soap (but not my shampoo next to them?) when I was away, choke.